TWB Clan Stories: “Space Cons: No Hope”

When Star Wars Galaxies expanded by adding in star ships  The Wet Bandits members decided it was time to break faces. We couldn’t really afford a good ship so we bought the crappiest one we could find. Naturally, we decided to plunder someone’s expensive ship. Some innocent fool’s ship. We found one, on the planet of Tatoonie. He was selling transport on his very expensive taxi ship by screaming in the global chat. I private messaged him and the conversation went something like this:

Me: “Good sir, we need your services. We are apart of a major guild on this server and have some high bounties on our heads from some Imperial scum. May you provide refuge on your unmarked ship to hold our guild meeting?”

Foolish Guy: “Why yes! We are an expensive taxi service of sorts. It will cost (x) millions of credits. Would you fine gents like expensive foods and entertainment for this evening on my taxi?”

Me: “Yes, indeed. We require classical music and your finest of foods. We will pay you 5% on top of the value for the food, transport, and entertainment after you’ve provided us safe travel and allow us to hold our guild meeting on your ship. An extra couple thousand credits if you keep shut thy mouth about anything we talk about.”

Probably a bad ship design being glass breaks easily.

Probably a bad ship design being glass breaks easily.

We’re on a role-playing server which is why we were talking like this. After negotiations, this guy hires a full band to play music for us. He takes out a loan for the food, thousands of credits worth, and leads us aboard his taxi. His super expensive taxi. While he’s showing us around, I find an escape route for later that. It’s in the toilet area, where all good escapes happen. We get everything setup. I mean, it’s taking about 30 minutes to an hour to get this place decorated for our guild’s meeting/feast. I give the foolish host a space waypoint to warp to and off we go.

We sit down in our comfy chairs and discuss made-up business, all in sync with each other on how so-and-so is after us and whom we can still trust in our guild. While eating good virtual foods, I stood up and say, “Excuse me but I have to use the rest room. I think some of the food is bad.”.

I rush to the toilets and escape down the hatch. It may have not been a toilet. It’s more than likely just escape pods, but I’m sticking with toilets.

Here I come!

Here I come!

The escape pod brings me back to Tatoonie. I board the space ship we bought. It has laser guns and that’s about it. Not the best by any means but this guy’s high credit taxi is slow, defenseless and doesn’t have any weapons. Since I gave him the coordinates to where we were, I warp back to their location and charge my blasters.

Meanwhile on the taxi, the foolish host detects an incoming fighter on his ship’s radar. Or he just sees me outside his windows. He alerts us all, in which my two guild mate friends act clueless. The band has quit playing. The food is all looted thanks to a guild mate. And there’s a maniac outside this 60% glass ship that’s firing his lasers!

I laugh hysterically. I’m foggy on this part, but I believe my guild mates used the pods to get off the ship. The host stays with the band and tries to make a run for it. While trying to get into hyperspace, his ship blows up. Millions of credits down the drain. His stuff is all destroyed and we make off with the only lootable items he gave us access to.

A few minutes later, he messages me completely out of character and says, “I should have known what was going to happen but man, you guys were awesome. Completely ruined me!”. He probably quit playing shortly after.

About DryvBy

Posted on April 30, 2013, in Editorials and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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